28 February 2010

happiness is a warm gun

Here comes another one:

The American way, she said, was simple. "There are two rights essential to freedom: private property and gun ownership."
'scuse me, I'm off to dive under the bedspread. There's only so many simple answers to complex questions that one person can take.

Back next week.

26 February 2010

inherit the wind

Seems a bit incongruous that just when I'm posting much, much less frequently, I gain a new follower.

Of deluded souls, yes, I have a few.

Anyway the main reason I post less is because I work more, and this is a trend unlikely to cease before retirement, now likely to be 67.

Ze message in zis for all of youse is learn ze patience.

I just got a quite amazing e-mail:

This email is intended to inform you that there is a record of deposited funds of $1.5 Million US Dollars in our bank, with your details by Steven Coleman Company Ltd. The funds is entitled to be your overdue inheritance contract payment.

That last sentence certainly had me thinking, partly about the things you probably think I was thinking about, and partly about others things I was thinking about in a perfectly independent manner.

Because, you see, I did once inherit some money. I've inherited money when playing Monopoly (mind you, not particularly bloody OFTEN) but no, once in real life.

It wasn't $1.5 Million US Dollars but enough to, I dunno, pay off the monthly credit card account. Which is probably what I did with it, this being some time ago.

No, it's the "contract payment" bit that has me quite bemused because, well, I can't remember the last inheritance being tangled up in contractual obligations and what-all.

I mean, I'd send what's-her-face my bank account details in a trice because, let's face it, with $1.5 Million US Dollars I could buy a lot of stuff.

F'r'instance, I could hire someone to write blog posts for me on a more regular basis that I am - as explained above - now able to achieve. More to the point, if I was really careful about selection and briefed a headhunter firm appropriately, I might be able to hire someone who could write better blog posts than me.

We'd probably have to rename the blog, probably shut this one down and call the new one something awfully spiffy like Middling Missives or Tales of the Completely Expected.

Alternately, I could buy a brace of Maseratis or similar and, let's be honest, I'm more likely to do that than offer Don Watson $1.5 Million US Dollars to remove the capital letters from everything that currently boasts them in inappropriate places.

Speaking of pedantry which, in a peripheral way, we were, just the other day I accused one of our executives of jumping on the 'around' bandwagon.

You know: "I've got some issues around that."

I tell you what: I have bloody issues around it. Anyway what I hope ensues is that every time he's in a meeting - and he goes to lots - and hears someone use the phrase because it's bloody everywhere, I tell you, he'll start to get annoyed.

But not as much as the first time he hears himself use it.

And he will.

Anyway, I googled the Steven Coleman Compnay Ltd. It doesn't exist. Which doesn't surprise me really because, I tell you, it's a really weird name for a relative, no matter how deceased.

21 February 2010

i feel fine

I can't get excited about programmatic specificity vs. the budgie smuggler kid, but the impending UK election still has me (the half-arsed VVB version of) enthralled.

The Times reports a Conservative idea to re-privatise the banks through a discounted share purchase scheme. But the peoplezzzz are not buying it:

I'm not interested in gimicks. What I am interested in is a long term economic recovery, safe streets and a future for my children. That means leaving the EU,
closing the door to further immigration and the deportation of a great many and
it also means an end to politicised laws and judicial processes that has put crime prevention in to the hands of the politicians rather than the police. All of these are fairly standard, non controversial, mainstream conservative ideas - at least they once were. As they are no longer I shall be voting BNP or if they don't field a candidate UKIP. As for the "big three", there is no perceptible difference between them either in ideology or morals.
Here's a few suggestions for you, lads.
1) Stop all immigration. We don't need it.
2) Promise to deport all illegal immigrants and recently arrived legals who
commit crimes.
3) Tell the EU to reform or we walk.
4) Cut all quangos. They waste money and are as big a threat to democracy
as the unions were.
5) Radical welfare reform.
And that's just to start you off. If you'd like more electoral tips, then,
in the words of Harriet Harman, you know where you can find me!

One QUESTION people, who remembers Mrs Thatcher and her side kick Ronald
Reagan? These are the two people who single handed, passed our countries monies
to the banks with deregulation. Oh they are also Tory and right wing in their
politics Rich=Richer, Poor kept in their place. Not one of the current political
parties will do what we really want, which are as follows:
1. Re-regulate the banks as they were before Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum
got their hands on them.
2. Tax the banks to the neck line on all their transactions and make sure
that the costs are not passed on to us.
3. Make them pay back all our tax monies plus interest before they dish out
4. Stop Immigration dead in the water, I don’t care where they come from.
5. Pull out of the war in Afghanistan, Iraq. Leave Iran alone and force
Israel to make peace with the Arabs.
6. Get shoot of the multi government guanos.
7. We do not need two aircraft carriers waste of money
8. Make the lazy British BORN trash get off their backsides and get a job.
Or no money, if there are no jobs, make them in areas that can be of use to the
country. Not in management positions, we need alternate power sources, use this
cheap source of labour as a means of enabling this pledge.
9. Oh and quit the parliamentary privilege / expenses your reward is having
a great job.
10. No ministers/MP’s (families members included) to be allowed to act or
seek employment in any area of business that they have passed legislation for in
parliament or have had access to secret government documents during their career
in government for at least 10years.Any party that would do these things and
really mean it, would get my vote!

I am particularly interested in the government guanos - we get a lot of that here.

Finally, I'd have a better chance of understanding this one without so many apostrophes and quotation marks.

You "Can Knock Maggie"!,but she "Did have "Balls" even though she was a Woman"!
LEADER,put an Advert in the "Guardian"! Jobsworth's need "Not Apply"! Which
restrict's the "APPLICANT'S TO "10" MAXIMUM!!!!

13 February 2010


They're thinking of putting up the Value Added Tax (VAT) in Britain. Comments are running about 95% that it's "Zanulabour's" fault and 5% think it's the greedy bankers. However, amongst all the ranting and the inevitable couple of comments from US readers that British folk are doomed because they allowed the government to take away their right to bear arms (failing to distinguish the difference in intent - and outcome - between a government that taxes you and a government that kills you, but nevermind..), we get to the core of the problem:

Since the 1970's, successive governments were convinced (largely by radical feminists) to create and fund a growing multitude of social programs for every cause imaginable.
Wait until Mrs VVB gets home and learns about this. There will be a very serious conversation, I assure you.

12 February 2010

i want a new drug

I found one.

This is totally against Nature! People are meant to starve. Is an incentive for them to go to Church. Once you start feeding people who should rightly be dead, Heaven will be empty!

There is just so much goodness in this big wide wonderful world. I want someone to pay what I earn now - oh all right, pay me what I'm worth.....aaaagh OK, pay me a bit less than that - fuck it then pay me a lot less - so I can just trawl blogs all day.

I want to turn to blancmange.

Oh OK, I'm already blancmange, I wanna be more sort of custard-like.


11 February 2010

talkin' bout my generation

Look Mum, they're talking about us.

What a shame there aren't 923 insightful - or asinine - comments to plough through.

Through which to plough.

Or plow.

Meanwhile, the Australian Financial Review reports that a lot of board members of the Business Council of Australia think that, now we have sailed through the GFC - no thanks to the government - we need to get back on the reform horse. Labour market deregulation. Taxation reform. The usual suspects.

On the front page, three of Australia's most patently right-wing radio talkback 'hosts' (Alan Jones, Neil Mitchell and Howard Sattler) reckon that the PM has lost the people, they're no longer listening to him.

On both of these issues I am reminded of
Mandy Rice-Davies, a young lady who remains on the money nearly 50 years after making her famous quip.

Famous Quip would be a good name for a band, too.

09 February 2010

trudge over bribbled water (*)

Surely this is a bridge too far:

Many young economists, scientifically oriented and so recognizing
the superiority of free markets, found the climate intellectually
Out of context of course, but jeez, really? Are all scientists free-marketeers? Someone need a little basic logic to get them to the end of their article?

If you want a countervailing argument to how free market ideas actually get promulgated, try this.

Alternatively, just bash your head into the computer while reading the comment stream of consciousness on whether
Britain is broken. Just be prepared - you'll need several hours, not least because you can't put all comments on one page. Maybe Britain is broken.

(*) possibly not the correct title...

06 February 2010

send in the clowns

We went to the local club tonight - we do this occasionally for exactly the same reasons that tens of thousands of our fellow Aussies do on a Saturday night: Mrs VVB doesn't have think about what to have for dinner, and I don't have to wash up.

We sat outside, it's warm but the onshore breeze is some consolation, although not as much as if it had been cooler.

Being patriotic Aussies we thought we'd better do the right thing and put a couple of dollars through the pokies.

Mind you, we haven't thought of doing this on previous visits...

Anyway, and
this is where the story really begins, the last time either of us played a poker machine you had to put 20 cents in and pull a lever.

It's a bit more complicated now. The only reason it took us 5 minutes, rather than 5 seconds, to lose $2 was because we couldn't figure out which buttons to press.

There is an upside, of course. From now on we can go to the club and benefit from the subsidised food and drink, restful in the knowledge that we can't do the 'right thing' and put a few bucks through the pokies because we're too stupid to use them.

Earlier today I thought of a funny, and being of somewhat vindictive nature I thought I should share it.

Imagine, if you will, a crowd of Kevin Rudd supporters at a protest...

"What do we want?"

Programmatic specificity!"

"When do we want it?"

In the fullness of time!"

Laugh? I thought I'd never start.

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