18 January 2009

mouth

Today's Brisbane Sunday Mail, and no doubt other papers, carried a two full page advertisement aimed at correcting recent scientific pronouncements that mouthwashes containing alcohol can raise the risk of oral cancer. Part of the advertisement read as follows:

Mouthwashes are proud of their long history of advancing oral health.
So I went into the bathroom and said to the bottle of Listerine that it was time we had a deep and meaningful. Did it stand by the statement? Was there any evidence? Could a bottle of mouthwash actually demonstrate human characteristics even if, sadly, it was one of the seven deadly sins?

Rather disappointingly, and although I expended some time on this effort, I received no response from the Listerine. On reflection, I could not recall a single time when the Listerine has communicated with me, whether to defend its role in the maintenance of oral health at VVB or indeed to pass comment some other pressing issue, whether health-related or in some other field of endeavour. Even on such a fraught issue as the invasion of Iraq, the Listerine had kept it counsel.

You can imagine my frustration. However, it then occurred to me this was in fact the first time that, for my part, I had attempted any form of communication with a bottle of Listerine and it was probably an endeavour doomed to futility from the word go. Why hadn't I seen this coming?

My distress is acute and, in my hour of need, I can do nothing save blame the Sunday Mail for inducing such abnormal behaviour.

Stands to reason, doesn't it?

6 comments:

Ann oDyne said...

No 'reason' involved anywhere in that 'news' report, dear VVB.

IF the alcohol in mouthwash causes throat cancer, then we need to ban all other alcohol, or build more cemeteries.
I suspect that sales of listerine rocketed in the 12 to 16 age group when the little dumbclucks were alerted there was alcohol in it.

phil said...

I'm sure that's what the Listerine would have told me.

Have to say that the alleged 'authority'behind the report looked very Dodgy Bros.

Deb said...

Maybe you should change to Plax, mine won't shut up and stop defending itself.

phil said...

Must be a marketing advantage for it.

Lord Sedgwick said...

I blame the manufacturers of Kevin07's much reviled Alcodentalpops.

Sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense ... but at the moment I'm totally pissed out of my dentures.

I blame the Howard government for not banning Steradent and other oral prosthetic enhancing substances.

phil said...

"I blame the Howard government": no need to go into detail.

Crikey, and I thought I'd got over it. I'd better wash my mouth out...

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