15 March 2008

jive talking

Is there some kind of secret competition between co-pilots on domestic flights to see who can make the most indecipherable in-flight message?

You always get one before take-off, "this Captain so and so, we are travelling to Oodnagalarby, the weather is expected to be fine/wet/terrifying. We'll get back to you once we're on our way."

Then, inevitably, you get an announcement midway through the flight which goes like this:

"Aaah, this is Adrian Horrorshow and I'm your co-pilot today. Captain Bollocks and I uuurgh uuurgh uuurgh uurgh, and we uuurgh uuuurgh with uuurgh, clouds and lots of *crackle crackle* urrrgh and *crackle* uurgh.

Today's flight is *crackle* uuurgh and uuurgh, but with a little luck we'll *crackle crackle* urrrgh uuurgh and we shouldn't need to *crackle* *spit* uuurgh or uuugh.

Your cabin crew, Diane, Damien, Elfrida and Daisy, are uuurgh uuuurgh and have occasionally been known to "crackle* uuurgh uuurgh....aaah, uurgh uuurgh, ha ha, but Captain Oates and I....pause.....they'll uuuurgh uuurgh if you press the call button.

In the event that major uuuurgh or uuuurgh eventuates, we'll *crackle* what the uurgh was that? *crackle crackle*."


A slightly longer pause, interspersed with *crackle crackle*.

"Anyway, Captain Hitler and I hope that you uuuurgh uuurgh and also uuuurgh, we'll talk to you again just before we *crackle* uuurgh.


I swear that on each flight, and I've been flying a lot lately, it's been less decipherable each time.

On another topic entirely, can anyone enlighten me as to what a "get-go" is? "Yes, they were doomed from the get-go." What was it that was going to be got, and where was it to go?

Answers on the back of a McDonalds container to Captain Moriarty, c/- around the back of the bike sheds, Mascot.

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